weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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