In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
