i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize