We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
