i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
