i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
