The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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