I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
