drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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