Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You pole danced in your parka.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
