So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
