I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
