but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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