The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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