if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
