when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize