i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
