Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
