Yo dont text me then not text me
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
