The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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