YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
