how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The struggles of a small town man whore
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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