i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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