i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
