I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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