are you still at the devil's house?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
