My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
