You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
