I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
