Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize