question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
