Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
