I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
