I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
