I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
