she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
