Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
