if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
