Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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