Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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