This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
