tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize