The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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