the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
