accomplished twins. life is a go
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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