we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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