Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
this hospital has no fireball
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
