This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
