At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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