I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
