I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
