I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
