sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
