All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We left an ass print on the piano.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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