Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
