They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Girls should come with a carfax report
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
