p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
