too bad you live with your parents still
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
