Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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