what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
