I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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