I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize