look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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