So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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