My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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