sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
