Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
