i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did you just see the Batmobile???
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
