what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he fucked my hip out of place.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
