theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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