tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
